11 Sep 2008 [ Prev
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Ex 1-2: My Strength (Evidence)
A 200-word paragraph that SHOWS your strength, without simply coming out and TELLING the reader "My strength is..." or "If I had to choose one thing that I could do better than anyone else, it would be..."
Rather than list many occasions on which you have demonstrated your strength, choose one specific incident when you demonstrated your strength, and make me feel like I am there with you, experiencing that event through your senses.
Showing is not about using lots of adjectives, or fancy words, or quoting the words of other people who do the TELLING for you (such as "Jimmy, you're an amazing trombone player!")
Rather than list many occasions on which you have demonstrated your strength, choose one specific incident when you demonstrated your strength, and make me feel like I am there with you, experiencing that event through your senses.
Showing is not about using lots of adjectives, or fancy words, or quoting the words of other people who do the TELLING for you (such as "Jimmy, you're an amazing trombone player!")
Brainstorming Checklist
Use this checklist to get you started. Please don't submit a paragraph that answers each one of these questions in this exact order -- use this to get your creative juices flowing.
Use this checklist to get you started. Please don't submit a paragraph that answers each one of these questions in this exact order -- use this to get your creative juices flowing.
- What is your strength?
- What evidence supports your claim that you have this strength?
- What specific incident illustrates your claim?
- Emphasize concrete action (over abstract generalities.
- Signs that you are falling into the habit of VAGUE TELLING: "Whenever I..." or "I always used to.." "Some people..." "Sometimes..." "I often...." (These phrases suggest you are being too general -- pick one specific incident.)
- Examples of POINTLESS DETAILS THAT MERELY ASSIST THE TELLING: "My bulging muscles rippled powerfully as I effortlessly lifted the great big heavy box that the little old lady was trying desperately to carry up the long, narrow flight of icy stairs." (The message: "I use my strength for good.")
- Examples of MEANINGFUL DETAILS THAT SHOW: "My wife gave up caffeine. She gave up her allergy medicine. Because she read somewhere that broccoli has lots of folic acid, she choked some down every week. (I microwaved it for her). She did kegel exercises so her muscles would be ready. She shopped for blankets and sleepers and diapers. (I held the stopwatch, and put her suitcase in the trunk.) She breathed. She pushed. She breathed. (I sat behind her, feeding her ice chips when she wasn't screaming, and eating ice when she was.) She pushed. She breathed. She pushed. (I almost teetered over. A nurse brought me a stoool.) She pushed. She pushed. She pushed. He cried. (I couldn't cut the umbilical cord.)" (The message: "My wife is tougher than me.")
- For Ex 1-1, I encouraged you to avoid even mentioning the name of your passion. You can go ahead and mention the name of your strength -- I don't want you to bend over backwards to avoid using a word, but I do want you to think about whether it's necessary. Are your examples vivid enough for a reasonablly intelligent reader to connect the dots, without actually being TOLD "My strength is..."?
Categories: due_dates
