Unless Buzzfeed-style Clickbait Replaces all Forms of Human Communication, or Republicans Return to the White House, Listeners will Continue to Deal with the Smug Dread Generated by the Formulaic Endings of NPR Stories

I love some good meta. I wrote a dialogue-heavy short story about writing dialogue-driven short stories. Mark C. Marino wrote this excllent MPR-style essay about the formulaic endings of NPR stories, which are designed to leave you feeling smarter but emptier, so that you return to fill your pledge-drive mug with another dose of Third World Problems angst. And although I cannot answer that question, one thing is for certain:…

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Baltimore Residents Urged To Stay Indoors Until Social Progress Naturally Takes Its Course Over Next Century

“As we continue to incrementally evolve into a completely free and fair society over the next 100 years, please do not venture outside unless it is absolutely necessary. Those who go out onto our streets before our social, economic, and political structures have undergone gradual reform over the course of several generations are doing so at their own risk.” —The Onion


Canadians Love Poop, Americans Love Pizza: How Emojis Fare Worldwide

The company SwiftKey analyzed more than a billion pieces of emoji data, organized by language and country. According to SwiftKey’s chief marketing officer, Joe Braidwood, the results were fascinating. Here’s a sample of what researchers found: People are mostly likely to send happy faces: “The overall thing we noticed is that 70 percent of all emojis sent are positive and so that’s probably a good thing that we’re talking to…

Google GIF

Google responds to streaming report with shruggie GIF

The Daily Dot proceeded to shrug the GIF off, chalking it up as an unconventional “no comment.” But the YouTube rep then got back in touch a day later, demanding they include it in their story. No it’s not a joke, he said — “the GIF really is our official response, it technically wasn’t a decline to comment and would appreciate if you could update your story.” via Google responds to…


You have 20 minutes before the sun blows up

This charming game focuses on exploring a wonder-filled solar system. The first time I found myself engulfed in the searing light of a collapsed star, I felt confused. Did I do something wrong? Was this the cosmic punishment for the hubris of reaching for the stars? But instead of dying, I found myself right back where I started, standing in front of a campfire 20 minutes before the end of…