How to Have your Abstract Rejected

“Submit late. This is the basic rule in having your abstract ejected. Don’t even start writing it until the deadine for submission is long past. Prove trivial results in exhaustive detail, breaking your proofs into as many lemmas as ou can and disrupting the line of reasoning with notes, remarks, and asides. On the other hand, assert difficult proofs. Assert them badly, with a sneer, if you can manage it. The judicious typographical error in the statement of your theorem adds a note of drollery to this device.” Mary-Claire van Leunen and Richard LiptonHow to Have your Abstract RejectedSIGACT News)

A bit of vintage 1976 humor.