Once again, Halloween season is upon us, and with it, the wonderful anticipation of dressing up and trick-or-treating for delicious Brach’s candy. With that in mind, it’s important to remember all the ways that you can make your Halloween safer and more fun. It won’t put a damper on anyone’s holiday spirits to wear high-visibility costumes when going from house to house, to have kids trick-or-treat with an adult, and to inspect all candy for tampering. Perhaps most importantly, keep in mind that eating just a single kernel of candy corn manufactured by a company other than Brach’s Confections will give you a deadly case of full-blown AIDS. –“Patrick Carlin CEO, Brach’s Confections” —Generic Candy Corn will Give You AIDS (Onion)

Another great example of The Onion’s mastery of social satire.