Wm. Shakespeare's Five and Twenty Random Things Abovt Me

If you have a Facebook account, you’re probably familiar with the “25 Things About Me” meme.  Mike McPhaden unearthed “Wm. Shakespeare’s Five and Twenty Random Things Abovt Me,” of which the best (IMHO) is the following:

14 On the topic of dating, my daughter Susanna loues to remind me: ~Jvliet was only thirteen! And I remind her that i) she was Italian, an impulsive race ii), she was actually played by a middle-aged Eunuch named Ned, and iii) she died. That always shvts her right vp.