A Note to My Remaining Students at the Close of the 2021 Fall Semester

Of course, the power outage meant that we missed three weeks of class, but when I was able to finally meet up again with the few of you who returned, I really felt we got a lot done.

Until the fires. Who knew that plugging all of our electrical infrastructure into the same outlet would turn the entire west side into a giant ball of flame? Not me. But I enjoyed the essays that you turned in before we had to evacuate again. Really. I mean, if I had to offer criticism, I guess they could have been more cheerful.

Anyway, it wasn’t until the four-week fire evacuation that I truly saw you all in your element. Conducting class via email quizzes is not ideal, but the internet in my bunker wasn’t good enough for a video call, so we had to make do. And I was pleasantly surprised—most of you eventually completed at least one quiz! Of course, I couldn’t grade them due to the new ban on Educational Communications Concerning Different Ethnicities, but I was quite [redacted] with your work. –Harriet Burbeck, McSweeney’s