300 spears reviewer's attention

Perhaps the only thing that could have made this movie better would have been if Xerces, the God-king of the Persian army, had been played by John Stamos, the actor who played Uncle Jesse on Full House. Even the Spartans would have cowered beneath his seductive gaze and shining, well-combed hair.

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Not only did I leave the theater feeling like I had gotten my $8 worth, I left wanting to go outside, rip up a sign post and throw it through my friends chest. —Paul Crossman —300 spears reviewer’s attention (Setonian)

These lines gave me a good laugh. (Missing an apostrophe on “friend’s”, but otherwise well done.)