amp-web-push-widget button.amp-subscribe { display: inline-flex; align-items: center; border-radius: 5px; border: 0; box-sizing: border-box; margin: 0; padding: 10px 15px; cursor: pointer; outline: none; font-size: 15px; font-weight: 500; background: #4A90E2; margin-top: 7px; color: white; box-shadow: 0 1px 1px 0 rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.5); -webkit-tap-highlight-color: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0); } /** * Jetpack related posts */ /** * The Gutenberg block */ .jp-related-posts-i2 { margin-top: 1.5rem; } .jp-related-posts-i2__list { --hgap: 1rem; display: flex; flex-wrap: wrap; column-gap: var(--hgap); row-gap: 2rem; margin: 0; padding: 0; list-style-type: none; } .jp-related-posts-i2__post { display: flex; flex-direction: column; /* Default: 2 items by row */ flex-basis: calc( ( 100% - var(--hgap) ) / 2 ); } /* Quantity qeuries: see https://alistapart.com/article/quantity-queries-for-css/ */ .jp-related-posts-i2__post:nth-last-child(n+3):first-child, .jp-related-posts-i2__post:nth-last-child(n+3):first-child ~ * { /* From 3 total items on, 3 items by row */ flex-basis: calc( ( 100% - var(--hgap) * 2 ) / 3 ); } .jp-related-posts-i2__post:nth-last-child(4):first-child, .jp-related-posts-i2__post:nth-last-child(4):first-child ~ * { /* Exception for 4 total items: 2 items by row */ flex-basis: calc( ( 100% - var(--hgap) ) / 2 ); } .jp-related-posts-i2__post-link { display: flex; flex-direction: column; row-gap: 0.5rem; width: 100%; margin-bottom: 1rem; line-height: 1.2; } .jp-related-posts-i2__post-link:focus-visible { outline-offset: 2px; } .jp-related-posts-i2__post-img { order: -1; max-width: 100%; } .jp-related-posts-i2__post-defs { margin: 0; list-style-type: unset; } /* Hide, except from screen readers */ .jp-related-posts-i2__post-defs dt { position: absolute; width: 1px; height: 1px; overflow: hidden; clip: rect(1px, 1px, 1px, 1px); white-space: nowrap; } .jp-related-posts-i2__post-defs dd { margin: 0; } /* List view */ .jp-relatedposts-i2[data-layout="list"] .jp-related-posts-i2__list { display: block; } .jp-relatedposts-i2[data-layout="list"] .jp-related-posts-i2__post { margin-bottom: 2rem; } /* Breakpoints */ @media only screen and (max-width: 640px) { .jp-related-posts-i2__list { display: block; } .jp-related-posts-i2__post { margin-bottom: 2rem; } } /* Container */ #jp-relatedposts { display: none; padding-top: 1em; margin: 1em 0; position: relative; clear: both; } .jp-relatedposts::after { content: ''; display: block; clear: both; } /* Headline above related posts section, labeled "Related" */ #jp-relatedposts h3.jp-relatedposts-headline { margin: 0 0 1em 0; display: inline-block; float: left; font-size: 9pt; font-weight: 700; font-family: inherit; } #jp-relatedposts h3.jp-relatedposts-headline em::before { content: ""; display: block; width: 100%; min-width: 30px; border-top: 1px solid rgba(0,0,0,.2); margin-bottom: 1em; } #jp-relatedposts h3.jp-relatedposts-headline em { font-style: normal; font-weight: 700; } /* Related posts items (wrapping items) */ #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items { clear: left; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual { margin-right: -20px; } /* Related posts item */ #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post { float: left; width: 33%; margin: 0 0 1em; /* Needs to be same as the main outer wrapper for Related Posts */ box-sizing: border-box; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual .jp-relatedposts-post { padding-right: 20px; filter: alpha(opacity=80); -moz-opacity: .8; opacity: .8; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post:nth-child(3n+4), #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual .jp-relatedposts-post:nth-child(3n+4) { clear: both; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post:hover .jp-relatedposts-post-title a { text-decoration: underline; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post:hover { filter: alpha(opacity=100); -moz-opacity: 1; opacity: 1; } /* Related posts item content */ #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual h4.jp-relatedposts-post-title, #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items p, #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items time { font-size: 14px; line-height: 20px; margin: 0; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual .jp-relatedposts-post-nothumbs { position:relative; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual .jp-relatedposts-post-nothumbs a.jp-relatedposts-post-aoverlay { position:absolute; top:0; bottom:0; left:0; right:0; display:block; border-bottom: 0; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items p, #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items time { margin-bottom: 0; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual h4.jp-relatedposts-post-title { text-transform: none; margin: 0; font-family: inherit; display: block; max-width: 100%; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post .jp-relatedposts-post-title a { font-size: inherit; font-weight: 400; text-decoration: none; filter: alpha(opacity=100); -moz-opacity: 1; opacity: 1; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post .jp-relatedposts-post-title a:hover { text-decoration: underline; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post img.jp-relatedposts-post-img, #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post span { display: block; max-width: 90%; overflow: hidden; text-overflow: ellipsis; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual .jp-relatedposts-post img.jp-relatedposts-post-img, #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual .jp-relatedposts-post span { height: auto; max-width: 100%; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post .jp-relatedposts-post-date, #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post .jp-relatedposts-post-context { opacity: .6; } /* Hide the date by default, but leave the element there if a theme wants to use css to make it visible. */ .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post .jp-relatedposts-post-date { display: none; } /* Behavior when there are thumbnails in visual mode */ #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual div.jp-relatedposts-post-thumbs p.jp-relatedposts-post-excerpt { display: none; } /* Behavior when there are no thumbnails in visual mode */ #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual .jp-relatedposts-post-nothumbs p.jp-relatedposts-post-excerpt { overflow: hidden; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual .jp-relatedposts-post-nothumbs span { margin-bottom: 1em; } /* List Layout */ #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-list .jp-relatedposts-post { clear: both; width: 100%; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-list .jp-relatedposts-post img.jp-relatedposts-post-img { float: left; overflow: hidden; max-width: 33%; margin-right: 3%; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-list h4.jp-relatedposts-post-title { display: inline-block; max-width: 63%; } /* * Responsive */ @media only screen and (max-width: 640px) { #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post { width: 50%; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post:nth-child(3n) { clear: left; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items-visual { margin-right: 20px; } } @media only screen and (max-width: 320px) { #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-items .jp-relatedposts-post { width: 100%; clear: both; margin: 0 0 1em; } #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-list .jp-relatedposts-post img.jp-relatedposts-post-img, #jp-relatedposts .jp-relatedposts-list h4.jp-relatedposts-post-title { float: none; max-width: 100%; margin-right: 0; } } /* * Hide the related post section in the print view of a post */ @media print { .jp-relatedposts { display:none ; } } .amp-logo amp-img{width:371px} .amp-menu input{display:none;}.amp-menu li.menu-item-has-children ul{display:none;}.amp-menu li{position:relative;display:block;}.amp-menu > li a{display:block;} /* Inline styles */ div.acss138d7{clear:both;}div.acss0dcba{--relposth-columns:3;--relposth-columns_m:3;--relposth-columns_t:3;}div.acss9c63b{aspect-ratio:16/9;background:transparent url(https://i0.wp.com/jerz.setonhill.edu/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Screenshot-2025-05-19-at-2.58.09%E2%80%AFPM.png?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) no-repeat scroll 0% 0%;height:150px;max-width:150px;}div.acss020fa{color:#333333;font-family:Arial Narrow;font-size:11px;height:45px;}div.acss0ddb8{aspect-ratio:16/9;background:transparent url(https://i0.wp.com/jerz.setonhill.edu/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/img_2277-1.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) no-repeat scroll 0% 0%;height:150px;max-width:150px;}div.acss8f56f{aspect-ratio:16/9;background:transparent url(https://i0.wp.com/jerz.setonhill.edu/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/msn-ai-brandon-hunter-useless2.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) no-repeat scroll 0% 0%;height:150px;max-width:150px;}div.acss00c00{aspect-ratio:16/9;background:transparent url(https://i0.wp.com/jerz.setonhill.edu/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/011625-big-boys-L1110063-scaled.jpg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) no-repeat scroll 0% 0%;height:150px;max-width:150px;}div.acss79008{aspect-ratio:16/9;background:transparent url(https://i0.wp.com/jerz.setonhill.edu/wp-content/uploads/2022/04/sisko-facepalm.jpeg?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) no-repeat scroll 0% 0%;height:150px;max-width:150px;}div.acssec620{aspect-ratio:16/9;background:transparent url(https://i0.wp.com/jerz.setonhill.edu/wp-content/uploads/2025/05/Screenshot-2025-05-07-at-10.46.51%E2%80%AFAM.png?resize=150%2C150&ssl=1) no-repeat scroll 0% 0%;height:150px;max-width:150px;} .icon-widgets:before {content: "\e1bd";}.icon-search:before {content: "\e8b6";}.icon-shopping-cart:after {content: "\e8cc";}
  • Long separated by cruel fate, the star-crossed lovers raced across the grassy field toward each other like two freight trains, one having left York at 6:36 p.m. travelling at 55mph, the other from Peterborough at 4:19 p.m.at a speed of 35mph.
  • The plan was simple, like my brother Phil. But unlike Phil, this plan just might work.
  • She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.
  • It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

how not to write metaphors (Schoolzone)

This list of howlers is prefaced with the note, “These are (allegedly) metaphors from actual GCSE essays.” A lot of the items on the list are not metaphors but similies (only the latter of which uses “like” or “as”). But they’re still funny. In the right context, many of these would actually be very good.

One of them, however, is a faded derivative of Douglas Adams’s descripton of the hovering Vogon spaceships: “The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn’t.”

View Comments

  • my flows more tighter then the strape on your sneakers, Your soft because you can't get loud like a cheap sneaker your mad because your girl does'nt no how to act my friends will run a train on here like a subway map. See i try to use metaphors to rap if you can use metaphors goo you can rap good

  • Ooops, sorry, Philipp. I was metaphorically not paying attention to what I was writing.

  • Mike, I feel like a slacker for not Googling to find the real source before I posted... thanks!

  • They're most definitely not "from actual GCSE essays": they're from the Washington Post's weekly "Style Invitational" contest several years ago, where readers were asked to submit the worst metaphors they could invent. The fact that Schoolzone would spin them as student error really bothers me, with the immense contempt towards students that such a spin suggests.

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Dennis G. Jerz

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