Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Poet

Spooftacular stuff, from ladysisyphus.

What are the plot-threads that clutch, what subplots grow

Out of this pulpy rubbish? Son of James,

You cannot say, or guess, for you know only

Your third-person limited perspective, where your adverbs breed,

And the caps lock gives no shelter, the chapter no relief,

And the seventh book no sign of surcease. Only

There is a horcrux inside this dark cave,

(Come into the waters of this dark cave),

And I will show you something different from either

Your battles fought previous where someone did help you

Or your battles to come which you must face alone;

I will show you fear in a cupful of juice.

Frisch weht der Plot

Der Bookshelves zu.

Mein Chosen Kind,

Wo whinest du?