Report: Many U.S. Schools Can’t Afford Mannequins, Human Urine For Art Classes

“It’s sad, but my students don’t even have the supplies they need for an exercise as simple as depicting patriarchal oppression with a mannequin that has been painted orange, set on fire, and then doused with a bucket of warm urine,” said Robert Kessler, a sixth-grade art teacher in Cleveland, noting that his supply closet also lacks the old doll heads, used syringes, and Virgin Mary statuettes his pupils require. “Meanwhile, I have 25 kids in my fourth-period class sharing a single hammer, and by Thanksgiving, we’ll have run out of old New York City subway tiles for them to smash into thousands and thousands of tiny shards.” —The Onion