Don’t just tell me your brother is talented… show me what he can do, and let me decide whether I’m impressed. To convince your readers, show, don’t just tell them what you want them to know.
There. I’ve just told you something. Pretty boring, huh? Now, let me show you.
| My brother is talented. | |
| There’s nothing informative, or engaging, or compelling about this sentence. You have no reason to believe or disbelieve me, and no reason to care. This is vague TELLING. (To be honest, the problem here is more the vagueness than the telling, but for now I’m working with the “Show, Don’t Tell” meme, rather than against it.) | |
| My brother modifies sports car engines, competes in ballroom dance tournaments, and analyzes chess algorithms. | |
| “Wow, that guy is talented,” you say to yourself. Or maybe you say something else. Maybe you think fooling with automobiles is a waste of time, or maybe you think competing in tournaments is brave, or maybe you think computer-assisted chess isn’t really chess. Whatever the case, you didn’t sit there passively waiting for me to TELL you what you’re supposed to feel or think about my brother. Instead, I SHOWED you very specific details that I chose because I expect they will generate some response from you. (Creative writers, see Short Stories: 10 Tips for Creative Writers, Crisis vs. Conflict, and Developing Ideas for Short Fiction.) But telling is good too, as long as it’s the right kind of telling. According to my colleague Timons Esaias, it all boils down to this:
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You won’t need to write a boring, uninformative and unpersuasive sentence like “You shouldn’t text while driving” if you can instead SHOW your point, through well-chosen details (such as statistics, specific examples, or personal stories) that SHOW in a persuasive way the negative results of texting while driving.
Let’s consider this point: “This tired child probably doesn’t want a nap.” That’s pretty dry, so let’s try to make it more vivid and persuasive.
| The little girl looked crabby. Clearly, naptime would be difficult. | |
| This sentence gets right to the point, but nothing about it engages the reader. If this observation is important to the story, consider giving readers enough details to work out the connection for themselves. | |
| The brown-eyed little girl wore a plastic Viking cap, and her mouth was sticky from candy. Standing there in her orange dress-up gown, she was quite a sight. She looked more tired than I had ever seen a child look. But she was so very stubborn, I could clearly see we were headed for a battle. | |
| This version expands on the girl’s appearance, but outside of a classroom assignment that asks you to describe something in detail, simply adding random specific details is not of much value. What does wearing a Viking cap or a gown have to do with being tired? Why does the color of the gown matter? Adding descriptive language — “The adorably elegant, pint-sized pumpkin-orange dress-up gown” — doesn’t help the author make any point. But what about calling it a “convict-orange dress-up gown”? The unusual word choice could hint at her temperament. | |
| Her brown, sleepy eyes hardened into red slits. Brandishing a cardboard shield and a decapitated lollipop, she cocked her plastic Viking helmet so that the points stuck out a little more than her curls. “You mean dragon! You’ll never make me nap!” | |
| Most of the details in this version aren’t just randomly descriptive; they contribute to a theme, and thus help SHOW the reader what’s at stake — an epic naptime battle. (There is one detail that’s just random, and could easily be cut. Can you spot it? Answer below.) The important details provide clues that you can assemble, so that you say to yourself, “Wow, that little girl is stubborn, and she sure needs that nap!”
The random detail is the color of the girl’s eyes. Unless it’s some kind of clue that will become important later in the story, cut it. | |
Showing well-chosen details can help drive home the message you want to tell. (Thus, the title of this page is “Show, Don’t (Just) Tell,” not “Show, Don’t Tell.”)
If you are writing a set of instructions or a professional e-mail, you don’t want to tease the reader by SHOWING indirectly. To convey complex technical details, TELL (“insert tab A into slot B”) and be done with it.
But if you want to engage the reader’s heart, mind, and imagination, SHOW with vivid details that generate, in your reader, the emotions you want to express. Rather than classify and list all the emotions that YOU felt, use specific details that give the READER a reason to feel those emotions.
| I’ll never forget how I felt after Fido died. I was miserable. | |
| Simply naming the feelings that you experienced (telling your reader what you felt) is not enough to create interest in the reader. Can you find a way to generate, in your reader, the same feelings that you experienced? | |
| If I live for a thousand years, I’ll never forget how utterly and terribly alone I felt after Fido died. Months and months went by, and it seemed that every little thing reminded me of him. I don’t know whether I am ever going to get over his death. | |
| While the author has added specific details, those details merely assist the telling — they don’t actually give the reader a reason to love Fido,and to suffer along with the writer. | |
| Whenever puppies in the pet store window distracted me from our walk, Fido flattened his scruffy ears, growling. But he always forgave me. As his sight faded, the smell of fresh air and the feel of grass would make him try to caper. Eventually, at the sound of my voice, his tail thumped weakly on the ground. This morning, I filled his water bowl all the way to the top–just the way he likes it–before I remembered. | |
Reading this last revision (schlocky, I know) always makes me sad. The carefully chosen details help us to understand the relationship between the pet and his owner.
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Because the author does not supply a sentence that announces, “I loved Fido and still can’t believe he’s gone,” the reader is left to make that connection. That means the reader has to engage with the author’s details, and becomes more intellectually and emotionally engaged in the story as a result.
| From the way she behaved in the crowded restaurant, you could tell Sally was attracted to the cute stranger in the black shirt. She tried a few things to get his attention, and eventually she thought she succeeded. | |
| The author wastes no time providing the information, but the story is very thin… nothing interesting seems to be happening. | |
| That stranger had been scanning the room, and this time, Sally thought his eyes flickered in her direction. Wait — was that a half smile? Had he just put his hand on his heart? Or was he just brushing something off of his shirt? That shirt looked soft. Sally smiled. “He’s kind of cute,” her roommate giggled. Sally casually looked away, twirling a curl. “Oh, I don’t know,” she said, letting her eyes rest on the artwork, the flowers, a random face in the crowd, and found another excuse to laugh. Carefully turning her profile, she crossed her legs like her friends had practiced in middle school. That ought to do it, she thought. | |
| The reader is left to figure out what’s going on, which is more engaging for a story. There is tension, and even a bit of character development. | |
The original version of Sally’s story tells me a few specific but isolated details — for instance, the color of the stranger’s shirt. But is that detail important? (It’s not.) Without coming right out and saying “Sally was attracted to the man,” the revision shows a series of different details (Sally notices the shirt, then wonders what it feels like) that come together to form a pattern– but the author does not come right out and announce what the pattern means.
Is Sally a sultry spy at an embassy dinner, or a knobby-kneed teen about to face a humiliating rejection? At this point, we can only imagine — and that keeps us reading.
| Winning is important to me. It doesn’t matter to me what I do, so long as I win. | |
| Unengaging and unconvincing. This is like saying “I am a hard worker” or “I am a fast learner.” Anyone can make those claims, but without proof they have no persuasive force. | |
| On the shelf in my bedroom is a first-place football trophy, and a first-place chess trophy. Above my bed on one side is the head of a four-point buck I shot when I was 16, and on the other side is a framed photo of me winning “Junior Chef of the Year.” Before you ask me to play cards, you should have a full wallet. If your son wants to play marbles with me, he should know I play for keeps. If your daughter starts crying while I’m playing house with her, I won’t stop until she looks me in the eye, and admits, “You won!” | |
| Okay, the bit about trying to “win” while “playing house” is a bit extreme — I wouldn’t recommend putting that in a resume, but my point in including it in this example is to demonstrate how well-chosen details can generate an emotional response in the reader that a dry statement cannot. | |
| I like many different sports, from skiing to rock-climbing, but when it comes right down to it, I would have to say that ping-pong is my favorite sport. | |
| Telling (No Details) — Snooze. This kind of writing can help you meet a word count, but it really boils down to “I like ping-pong.” All the rest is filler. There’s nothing in this passage that expresses how the author feels about ping-pong, and nothing that informs or persuades the reader. | |
| Ping-pong is a really interesting sport. Casual players may find it relaxing, but to get really good, you need manual dexterity, agility and endurance. | |
| Telling (Dry Details) — While the author has added details, those details merely assist the telling — this passage still starts out with “I like ping-pong.” A reader who doesn’t already love ping-pong will have no reason to change his or her mind. | |
| Ping-pong may look like a relaxing pastime, but for experts, winning the game requires manual dexterity, agility, and endurance. | |
| Showing with Informative Detail — While there’s nothing particularly engaging in this opening, if the rest of the paper demonstrates that, in order to make the transition from “relaxing pastime” to “winning the game,” you need “dexterity,” “agility” and “endurance,” then you see that this sentence isn’t just a random list of stuff to talk about. This opening line isn’t just throat-clearing or filler — it’s a carefully chosen table of contents, mentioning the topic of each of the supporting paragraphs. | |
| He’s poised to return what he thinks will be an underspin chop. If he doesn’t fake me out again, and I can stay on my feet for just a little longer, I just might win the 2022 Table Tennis World Championship. The first time a ping-pong ball sent me to the ER, yes, alcohol was involved. But the second and third times… | |
| Showing with Emotional Language — There’s no need for the author of the last sample to write, “I like ping-pong” or “ping-pong is more serious than you think,” because the vivid details all show these points. The writer of this version uses a technical term, mentions fake-outs, mentions endurance, and teases a pretty good story (or several). This document might not be as technically or factually informative as the “Showing with Detail” paragraph, but if your goal is to convey the idea that ping-pong is worthy of serious attention, then this kind of personal approach may be just the thing. | |
| All the kids knew that Lucinda was the meanest kid in the third grade. She was prissy and cute, and she thought that meant she could get away with anything. She would always go out of her way to torment me. I wasn’t one of the “cool” kids, and the few kids I knew were just the guys I played chess with during recess — they weren’t really friends. Plus, I was clumsy. So I was a good target. She tormented me so much she made the third grade a living hell. | |
| Okay, we understand the author wants us to think Lucinda is mean, but we don’t actually see her do anything. Does the narrator have a good reason to fear Lucinda, or is the narrator a whiner-baby? There’s not enough information for us to know (or care). | |
| When the recess bell rang, I grabbed my chess set and dashed to freedom, eager to win the daily tournament of outcasts. I didn’t look, but I was sure I could feel those curly locks swaying as her head tracked me. Of course, I tripped in the doorway. Tennis shoes and sandals stepped around me as I scrambled after pawns and bishops. And there was Lucinda, waiting for me to notice her. She lifted her patent-leather shoe, and carefully ground her heel on the head of my white queen. | |
| Here, we get details that indicate that the narrator and Lucinda seem to be paying a great deal of attention to each other. The narrator feels her presence, and she waits until she has his attention before crushing his queen. These details are specific, but we aren’t told what we should feel, so we can judge for ourselves. | |
Both passages make the same point, but the second does a much better job of engaging the reader.
The second passage focuses in detail on one specific event. Instead of simply calling himself clumsy (as in the first passage), the author shows us one specific occasion when he trips, and the writing brings us down to the ground with him, so that we see what he sees and feel what he feels.
The second passage never comes out and says “I didn’t have any friends,” but the fact that nobody stops to help the narrator makes us gather that the guy is an outcast. We learn quite a bit about the author in just that passage.
Ultimately, there is no need to call Lucinda mean in the second passage, because that concept is conveyed effectively by the surprising detail of the shiny patent-leather shoe crushing the queen. There is no deadwood — it is packed with details, creating a more vivid emotional picture than the first one.
We actually learn something about Lucinda — she is not just being mean, she wants the narrator’s attention, too. Notice that she attacked the queen, of all pieces. Does she consider the chess set to be her competition?
| He looked at me in a way that wasn’t exactly threatening, but still made me uncomfortable. | |
This is just a fancier way of telling the reader a feeling by stating something that happened and spelling out exactly what effect it had on you. What, exactly, did this guy do with his eyes, face, and body that made you uncomfortable? Describe his actions, and show your reader exactly what made you uncomfortable.
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| Clearly, something must be done about this terrible crisis. | |
| The words “clearly” or variations (“nobody can doubt that…” or “as we all know”) are often signs that the writer isn’t entirely sure the point that follows is persuasive enough. (I confess, I use such words myself, so they can’t be all bad… obviously.) Instead of just announcing that a certain thing is “terrible” or “horrendous” or “the most hideous thing you can possibly imagine” and expecting your reader to believe you, a good writer should present evidence (vivid examples) that lead the reader to conclude, on his or her own, that this thing is terrible. | |
When our goal is simply to inform, not to persuade or engage, TELLING does the job quite well — particularly if it’s part of an overall strategy.
That’s the reason I didn’t call this handout “Show, Don’t Tell” — I called it “Show, Don’t (Just) Tell,” because it’s perfectly acceptable to TELL the minor details that add up to the point you want to SHOW. In fact, it’s necessary to TELL.
For instance, in the opening example, I simply TOLD you that my brother modifies sports engines. I could have SHOWN his interest in cars instead: “His hands are grease-stained, he owns NASCAR posters, and on Saturday afternoons, he’s usually under his car.” But to SHOW you his interest in cars, I had to TELL you details about his hands, how he decorates his house, and what he does with his time.
I carefully chose what details to TELL, expecting those details to add up in a meaningful way that SHOWS you something in an engaging way.
| “Our coach is a former champion wrestler, but now he is overpaid, overweight, and over forty.” —Dena Taylor | |
| This example TELLS a string of details, carefully organized for humorous effect — and the speaker’s choice to present the coach this way gives us a glimpse of their relationship.Based on the speaker’s attitude, how do you think the team has been faring so far this season? What relationship does the speaker have with the coach? The combination of details and tone SHOW far more than what any individual detail TELLS.So this is an excellent use of TELLING minor details in order to SHOW a bigger point. | |
| “These are the times that try men’s souls.” —Thomas Paine | |
| In stark contrast to the flowery language in political tracts designed for the nobility, Tom Paine uses stark, plain language to engage the common citizen.Later in the piece, he SHOWS with details exactly why he feels men’s souls are tried, and he persuades his audience what they should do about it. But here, he is TELLING something that the audience already agrees with, so that he can capture their attention and get them to listen to his bigger points. | |
| “I am your father.” — Darth Vader | |
| The bluntness of this statement adds to the dramatic punch as Luke reacts to the news in “The Empire Strikes Back.” | |
View Comments
THIS article is bad, I had to eat my own Best friend to get it out of my head!
Ha! That's actually pretty good. Maybe a bit over the top, but it SHOWs your emotion.
my short story blog
It's tellingastoryaday.com
This is just the type of website that I was looking for to help me in my writing.
I have a blog where I write a short story every day and was wondering if anyone honest would go on there and give me feedback on my stories so I can improve as a writer.
Thank you!
Thanks this is helpful but i have a question. After "showing not telling" can we just give away what we were describing? Because sometimes i read stories that use this technique but after reading the description, i still had no clue what they were talking about! Help!!
There is no hard and fast rule. In some cases the showing may be obscure and ineffective; in some cases naming whatever you've just shown is a waste of words and an insult to the reader's intelligence. Try it out, find a few people who will be honest with you, and ask what they think.
Hi, I am writing a story and I need to drop little hints that one character is in love with another, without totally giving it away until the end. Can you help???
thanks.
Creating a lonely protagonist who notices something attractive about a stranger should be all you need.
Hi Dennis, I want to thank you for the tips and to ask you, if I want to become a writer is it better for me to write short stories first, to practice? or should I just go ahead and write a novel?
thanks.
Sculptors start with clay before they invest in buying a slab of marble. Your first work won't be your best, so it's probably better to write a lot of short stories first, rather than a single novel. But if you've got an idea for a novel that really inspires you, go for it. There is no single correct answer.
I like the plot twist with Sela. I'm not sure I found the ghost part of the story as successful. Typically fantasy tries to do just one thing at a time. A ghost story is creepy because ghosts are not of our world. If you accept a world with selkies, then a ghost seems less extraordinary.
There is a nice parallel in your story, that the man and woman are both holding a secret from each other, but since nobody doubts the existence of selkies, or wants to destroy a selkie, and we don't see Sela struggle with a choice between the sea or Martin, there's not much conflict to keep the plot going.
This passage is wordy:
She pulled out a seal’s skin.
“What is it?” Morgan whispered.
“It’s a seal’s skin.”
The reader already knows what it is because you've TOLD the reader, so there's no tension, and no real point to the revelation in the dialogue that follows.
Why would the selkies abandon one of their babies? I assume it wasn't an accident, since the other selkies could have followed and tried to get the baby back. When I just did a quick Google search for images of selkies, I got the clear idea that selkies don't wear clothes under their sealskins, so would a seklie baby be a "bundle"? Would it need any kind of wrappings?
The plot was osmmm...
But I think it could've been a lot more better if there'd have been a continuous flow...
Hi again D.!! :) here's my story ... tell me if its good or bad
The Selkie Child
Martin threw his net over the side of his fishing boat. It fanned out like a giant spiderweb. As he waited for his net to fill with fish, he watched seals on the rocks. Martin pulled his net in, docked his boat, and began to walk home. When he passed the rocks, he noticed the seals had left a small bundle.
"It's a baby girl!" Martin cried. Next to the baby was a seal's skin.
"This must be a Selkie baby," whispered Martin. He had heard fishermen tell tales about beautiful creatures called Selkies. Selkies could change from a seal to a human by shedding their skin.
Martin cradled the baby in one arm and tucked the seal skin under his coat and ran home. He opened the door and yelled to his wife, "Sela! The sea gave us a baby."
Sela scooped the baby out of Martin's arms and said, "She's beautiful."
"Let's name her Morgan," Martin said. "It means a 'gift from the sea.'"
Martin did not tell Sela that Morgan was a Selkie child and might want to return to the sea when she grew up. Instead, he locked the little seal skin in a trunk in the attic.
Morgan grew up to be a beautiful child. Sela and Morgan spent the days swimming while Martin fished. Martin watched Morgan from his boat.
"She's almost as good a swimmer as her mother," Martin said. "I will tell Sela the truth about Morgan as soon as I return from my long fishing trip."
The day Martin left for his trip, a storm came up the coast.
Morgan stared out the kitchen window. "I'd like to go swimming."
"You cannot swim during a storm," Sela said. "It's too dangerous."
"I'm sure it's peaceful under the waves," Morgan said.
The next morning, Sela and Morgan found pieces of Martin's boat washed up on the beach. Martin never came home.
That night, another storm came up the coast. When Sela drifted off to sleep she heard a familiar voice whisper, "I can't rest until I tell you the truth!"
"Morgan!" Sela whispered with fright. She ran to Morgan's room. A bolt of lightning lit it up. The bed was empty. Sela searched every room.
When Sela stopped in front of the attic door, the doorknob slowly turned.
Trembling, she watched as the door creaked open. She whispered, "Morgan! Morgan! Are you in here?"
There was no answer, so she quickly shut the door and locked it.
"Morgan!" Sela cried. The wind was getting stronger. Sela ran down the steps. She peered through the kitchen window and saw Morgan standing on the rocks near the water.
Sela stumbled through the heavy wet sand on the beach. Thick storm clouds covered the moon.
"Mama," Morgan said. "Do you ever feel like you don't belong here?"
Sela shook her head and said, "I belong here with you."
Morgan and Sela walked back up to the house. When Sela went to the pantry to get Morgan a towel, she heard stomp, stomp, stomp above her.
"Someone is upstairs," Sela gasped.
Creeaakk! Sela knew the attic door was opening.
Sela lit a candle. They tiptoed up the steps. The attic door was open.
"Stay here," Sela told Morgan. Sela stepped inside.
"Mama!" Morgan cried. She peeked inside the attic.
Sela stood very still. Something moved.
A trunk suddenly slid towards her. She reached down and opened it.
Sela felt something cold and wet inside the trunk. She held it up. She saw a tiny seal's skin.
"Come with me!" Sela said. She grabbed Morgan's trembling hand and led her down three flights of steps to the basement.
Sela showed her daughter the secret of her past.
Sela moved a pile of boxes and found a large chest.
"I hid this here years ago," Sela explained. She pulled out a seal's skin.
"What is it?" Morgan whispered.
"It's a seal's skin," Sela answered. "I'm a Selkie."
"This is your seal skin," Sela showed Morgan the smaller skin. "Your father must have known you were a Selkie. He just didn't know how to tell me."
Sela explained how she had fallen in love with Morgan's father when she was young. She hid her seal skin from him and gave up her seal life. "I always longed for the sea," Sela said to Morgan, "but I could never leave you. Tonight you will see just how peaceful it is under the waves."
Sela and Morgan ran to the beach and slipped into their seal skins. As they swam, they saw a familiar boat drifting along with the tide.
"Look, Mama," Morgan whispered. "It looks like Papa's boat."
Sela and Morgan thought they could see Martin's boat out on the water.
Sela looked up and saw the ghostly figure of her husband standing on the boat's deck. A wave splashed over Sela and Morgan. When they wiped the water out of their eyes, the boat was gone.
The End!
so what do yea think Dennis? hope u answer me soon! xD thanks
~ Rachel R.
:) Hey Dennis! watsup?.... thnx a lot!! this helped me pass my Composition exam!!! :) xD
T.Y 4 evrything!!
~ Rach >.