If you were this person’s attorney, you’d probably want this social media blurb phrased a little differently. The headline attached to the story is clearer. Yes, the social media blurb is shorter, but I’d rather cut the “Twp” and make room for the unambiguous “and.”
Derry man accused of assaulting female witness and attorney jailed on $100k bond.
Post was last modified on 8 May 2023 2:42 pm
Representing the Humanities at Accepted Students Day.
The daughter opens another show. This weekend only.
After learning of his AIDS diagnosis, artist Keith Haring created the work, "Unfinished Painting" (1989),…
Seton Hill students Emily Vohs, Elizabeth Burns, Jake Carnahan-Curcio and Carolyn Jerz in a scene…
Inspiration can come to those with the humblest heart. Caedmon the Cowherd believed he had…
View Comments
I saw that on the Trib's website when it was posted and eagerly clicked to find out how all ended in the attorney being jailed.
Both of your revisions are much better!
Yeah for me to grab it at first glance it needs to be "Derry Twp. man accused of assaulting female witness and attorney is jailed on $100,000 bond"
Aren’t commas allowed in headlines?
“Derry Twp. man, accused of assault on female witness and attorney, jailed on $100,000 bond”
Difference between the headline and the social media blurb. The comma isn’t enough to clear up the problem.