“You want feel-good and heartwarming, right?” Scorsese said. “I can do that. Or I can do casual violence with no strings attached. You know I can. What else you want? Kung-fu wire-work? Mentally disabled guy? Boring Robert Redford-style fishing movie? Just tell me what to do, I’ll do it. Done. End of story. Give me my Oscar and I’m out of here. Poof.” —Martin Scorsese’s Next Film To Be Three Hours Of Begging For Oscar (The Onion (Satire))