> Resources > Writing > Creative > Showing vs. Telling
Don't just tell me your brother is funny... show me what he says and does, and let me decide whether I want to laugh. To convince your readers, show, don't just tell them what you want them to know.
There. I've just told you something. Pretty lame, huh? Now, let me show you.
|
08 May 2000; by Dennis G. Jerz Writing is emotionally powerful when it engages the reader. Rather than classify and list all the emotions that you felt, use specific details that give the reader a reason to feel the emotions you want to express.
Mostly Telling:
Mostly Showing:
(The reader is left to figure out what's going on... more engaging for a story -- there is tension, and even a bit of character development.) The original version tells me a few specific but isolated details, but why should the reader care what color the stranger's shirt is? Without coming right out and saying "Sally was attracted to the man," the revision shows a series of different details that come together to form a pattern -- but the author does not come right out and announce what the pattern means. For example, Sally tries to catch the stranger's attention; she notices his shirt when he seems to put his hand on his heart; she imagines his shirt would be soft. Since she's obviously thinking about touching it, we can infer what else she might be thinking. Is Sally a sultry temptress, ready to ensnare another hapless man? Or is she a geeky high school sophomore, about to embarrass herself (yet again) at an elegant party? The revision doesn't come right out and describe exactly what Sally does with her legs, but all we need to know is that the gesture is meant to be attractive. Because the author has not come right out and told us, we can only imagine -- and that keeps us reading. My former colleague Marty Wood (from the University of Wisconsin--Eau Claire) makes the following, extremely useful, distinction: a writer should show specific details that enable the reader to reach a particular conclusion. If the author connects all the dots and then announces the conclusion for the benefit of the reader, the writing is less engaging for the reader. Or, to put it another way, show smoke, and let the reader infer fire. An author who tries to show the fire (by presenting elaborate descriptions of the flames, the heat, the crackling sound, etc.) makes the fire itself the focal point, rather than the protagonist's discovery of the fire, the trauma faced by those trapped by the fire, etc.
|
| Telling |
Showing |
Both passages make the same point -- Lucinda is mean. In the first passage, the author just expects us to believe him: "Lucinda was the meanest kid in the third grade." In the second passage, we read a detailed account of Lucinda's behavior (she has a habit of going "after" the narrator; she waits until she has the narrator's attention before crushing his queen), and we can judge for ourselves.
The first passage offers a list of details about what usually or often happens. We learn about what Lucinda looks like, and about the narrator's nerdiness from details in both passages, but once we've finished reading the paragraph on the left, there's nothing left for us to do. There it is... the reader asks, so what's the big deal?
The second passage focuses in detail on one specific event. Instead of simply calling himself clumsy, the author shows us one specific occasion when he trips, and brings us down to the ground with him, so that we see what he sees and feel what he feels. The second passage never comes out and says "I didn't have any friends," but the fact that nobody stops to help the narrator makes us gather that the guy is an unpopular loser. The comment about winning the daily tournament of outcasts is kind of humorous, and kind of sad at the same time. We learn quite a bit about the author in just that one sentence.
Ultimately, there is no need to call Lucinda mean in the second passage, because that concept is conveyed effectively by the surprising detail of the shiny patent-leather shoe crushing the queen. There is no deadwood -- it is packed with details, creating a more vivid emotional picture than the first one. We actually learn something about Lucinda -- she is not just being mean, she wants the narrator's attention, too. Notice that she attacked the queen, of all pieces. Does she consider the chess set to be her competition?
He looked at me in a way that wasn't exactly threatening, but still made me uncomfortable.
This is just a fancier way of telling the reader a feeling by stating something that happened and spelling out exactly what effect it had on you. What, exactly, did this guy do with his eyes, face, and body that made you uncomfortable? Describe his actions, and show your reader exactly what made you uncomfortable. (Did he waggle his eyebrows at you in a vaguely sensual manner? Did he stare directly at you while taking a gigantic bite out of a chicken wing, so that bits of cartilge crunched in his mouth as he chewed? Did he keep glancing up at a point just above your head, as if something was about to drop on you, and then laugh when you looked up to see for yourself?)
Clearly, something must be done about this terrible crisis.
The words "clearly," "obviously," or variations ("nobody can doubt that...") are often signs that the writer knows perfectly well that he or she hasn't done a very good job proving the statement that follows. A confident assertion (simply forcefully saying that it's so) is a way of telling. Instead of just announcing that a certain thing is "terrible" or "horrendous" or "the most hideous thing you can possibly imagine" and expecting your reader to believe you, a good writer should present evidence (vivid examples) that lead the reader to conclude, on his or her own, that this thing is terrible (or wonderful, etc.).
| "Our coach is a former champion wrestler, but now he is overpaid, overweight, and over forty." --Dena Taylor | |
| "These are the times that try men's souls." --Thomas Paine | |
| "I am your father." -- Darth Vader |
| Important Note |
| "Showing" involves more than a long list of adjectives. Sometimes students misinterpret what I mean by "showing." They put all kinds of adjectives in their writing, describing everything from the color of the wallpaper to the shape of their own legs, regardless of whether such details actually advance the story. The point of "showing" is not to drown the reader in a sea of details. Instead, you should pick out only those details that matter. Does the detail help establish or intensify the mood? Does it define a character? Clarify an action? |
| See Also |
| Writing: Style and Grace |
D.G. Jerz > Resources > Writing > Creative > Showing vs. Telling
.| D.G.
Jerz Seton Hill University |
| Weblog |
|
|
| Resources
|
| On
Jerz's Site |
|
Blurbs:Previews
help online readers evaluate links. Academic Blogging What
If There Were No Interactive Fiction? New
Media Journalism |
MLA Style Bibliography Builder Taking
Notes Writing
Tips |