“It’s sad, but my students don’t even have the supplies they need for an exercise as simple as depicting patriarchal oppression with a mannequin that has been painted orange, set on fire, and then doused with a bucket of warm urine,” said Robert Kessler, a sixth-grade art teacher in Cleveland, noting that his supply closet also lacks the old doll heads, used syringes, and Virgin Mary statuettes his pupils require. “Meanwhile, I have 25 kids in my fourth-period class sharing a single hammer, and by Thanksgiving, we’ll have run out of old New York City subway tiles for them to smash into thousands and thousands of tiny shards.” —The Onion