“I shouldn’t be saying this, but I think I’ll love you always, baby, always,” Adam cried into the email. –Shexmus Amed

The winner from Adam Cadre’s “Lyttle Lytton” contest (an awful-first-line contest, named after the author who famously penned “It was a dark and stormy night”)

My favorite was actually:

There was only one man salubrious enough to assuage my hunger for
love — senator Saxby Chambliss (R-GA).
–Kevin Sands