Avoid pulling your punches by summarizing the quote before introducing it.
Avoid transitions like “When asked about…” unless you are an actor playing a journalist in a 1940s movie. (See “When is Asking the Question Part of the News?“)
A direct quotation that conveys a fact is usually boring.
| Many members of the Elizabeth Mount community are excited about new dorms scheduled to open before next semester. Sally Smith, director of residence life, is no exception.|
“The new dorm will house 36 students in apartment-style units,” Smith said. “The apartments themselves are bright and airy. I think students will love the layout. When you have six students living in the unit, living on campus gets real cozy, real quick. So by December, there’s not that much room for a traditional Christmas tree. And there are fire code restrictions that prevent students from bringing in live trees. We needed to do something about that. So we’re putting a Godzilla tree in the lobby.”
|Snooze! That opening paragraph is filler. In eighth grade you may have been rewarded for introducing a quote this way, but a news story is not a middle school book report.|
Instead of TELLING readers what emotions they are about to encounter in the quote that follows, just present a quote that actually SHOWS emotions. Paraphrase those dry facts, and use direct quotes to present the opinions, emotions, and promises of your sources.
|“I think students will love the layout,” said Sally Smith, the director of Student Life, who is already planning to help students reduce clutter in their individual units by placing a communal Christmas tree in the lobby.|
|A little better, but we expect a Student Life employee to say her dorms are great; we learn very little from this direct quotation. This part of the quote isn’t newsworthy, and the Christmas tree detail seems kind of random.|
Rather than introducing the general concept of “helping students reduce clutter” and the specific example of a communal Christmas tree, try to let the source’s words do more of the work.
A good reporter can set the stage in such a way that even a fairly brief quote can have dramatic impact.
|College students have barely moved in, but one college administrator has already figured out how she can help 120 residents of a new dorm, some of them packed 6 to a unit, decorate for the holidays.|
“Living on campus gets real cozy, real quick,” according to Sally Smith, director of Student Life at Elizabeth Mount University. By December, students can barely fit tiny Christmas trees in their units.
“So we’re putting a Godzilla tree in the lobby,” she said.
|Journalists are experts at slipping in concrete details unobtrusively. This revision conveys some factual information about the dorm (the number of residents, the fact that it’s not an old-fashioned floor-style residence, but rather apartments), but the quote works because it expresses some of the speaker’s opinions and personality.|
In general, a journalist should paraphrase dry facts, but directly quote emotions, opinions, and promises voiced by sources.
|Fred Jones is eager to move into Newcomb Hall. “It’s supposed to be ready October 15, but I can’t wait that long,” he said. “It’s gonna be a sweet dorm.”|
|In this example, Jones does give a quoteworthy opinion of the new dorm, but because the reporter has already told us that Jones is “eager to move in,” that dry introduction steals the punch from the direct quotes “I can’t wait” and “it’s gonna be a sweet dorm,” both of which already convey eagerness.|
Much more serious is quoting random student Fred Jones as the source of the the Oct 15 date. Jones is here just passing along something he heard; he could be spreading a rumor.
Keep Jones for his opinion and his enthusiasm, but cite an authority for facts like the date.
|The dorm, which will open on Oct. 15, will house 72 undergraduates in apartment-style units.|
|Will it? Who says?|
This is a promise, even a prediction. It’s not a fact yet — it’s something that the school administration hopes will happen. It’s a kind of opinion.
Since there is no way for you, as the reporter, to hop into time machine and found out whether the dorm really will open on time and as planned, you should treat it the same way you would treat an opinion.
|Officials claim the facility will open Oct 15 and house 72 students.|
Officials plan to house 72 students in the facility, if it opens as scheduled Oct 15.
|Words like “claim” or “if” convey doubt. (Avoid bias in your reporting.)|
While a reporter cannot report future events as facts, a reporter can report that a credible source expects or predicts something to happen.
|“The new dorm will house 72 students in apartment-style units,” said Sally Smith, director of Residence Life.|
|But wait a minute! Now we’re back with a boring quote!|
|The plans call for a new 72-bed residential facility, with individual units housing 6 students, opening Oct. 15.|
|That’s better. We don’t need to add “according to Smith.”|
Smith didn’t invent those plans herself; these details were probably part of a university budget proposal a year or more ago, and there are probably artist renderings of the finished building on the university website.
We’ve already mentioned “the plans,” and in context it should be clear we’re talking about the university’s plans.
The Reporter as Invisible Observer
In traditional journalism, reporters are invisible observers. They should not casually refer to their own participation in the events they describe.
|When I climbed the stairs to John Smith’s apartment, I heard a strange, rhythmic thumping. Could it be bongo drums? I opened the door, and saw Smith sitting on the floor, banging away. He smiled at me and told me to come in.|
|In traditional news, a good reporter is an invisible observer, Readers of a restaurant review want to know your opinion, and readers of travel journalism want to know what you did, but in hard news, the journalist does not appear as a character. The above sample refers to the reporter as a character in the story, which distracts from the story.|
|Outside John Smith’s apartment, a strange thumping could be heard. Could it be bongo drums? When the door was opened, Smith could be seen sitting on the floor, banging away. A visitor is smiled at and welcomed.|
|When editing to remove self-references, avoid the quick fix of resorting to passive verbs.|
|The thump of bongos fills the stairwell outside John Smith’s apartment. Pounding away, Smith welcomes a visitor without missing a beat.|
|The revision captures the energy of the scene; it aims to insert the reader directly into the reporter’s sensory experiences, while also enriching the description of an experience with precise, relevant details that would not be obvious to a visitor who just happened upon the scene.For more, see|