If you were this person’s attorney, you’d probably want this social media blurb phrased a little differently. The headline attached to the story is clearer. Yes, the social media blurb is shorter, but I’d rather cut the “Twp” and make room for the unambiguous “and.”
Derry man accused of assaulting female witness and attorney jailed on $100k bond.
Similar:
How The Ballpoint Pen Killed Cursive
In Death of a Salesman, Biff impulsively...
Business
BuzzFeed plagiarism, deleted posts: Jonah Peretti explains.
In 2012 my former Slate colleague Farhad...
Business
‘A slow-motion disaster’: Journalism museum in talks about possible building sale
Last year, SHU did not sponsor a bus tri...
Business
Closing the Door on the Video Store Era (with tweets) · chutry · Storify
Now that Blockbuster Video has officiall...
Business
Communities of Play: The Social Construction of Identity in Persistent Online Game Worlds
I played the open-source version of Uru ...
Culture
NPR quits Twitter after being falsely labeled as 'state-affiliated media'
NPR will no longer post fresh content to...
Business
Pingback: Headlines: Why editors matter in journalism. | Jerz's Literacy Weblog (est. 1999)
I saw that on the Trib’s website when it was posted and eagerly clicked to find out how all ended in the attorney being jailed.
Both of your revisions are much better!
Yeah for me to grab it at first glance it needs to be “Derry Twp. man accused of assaulting female witness and attorney is jailed on $100,000 bond”
Aren’t commas allowed in headlines?
Difference between the headline and the social media blurb. The comma isn’t enough to clear up the problem.
“Derry Twp. man, accused of assault on female witness and attorney, jailed on $100,000 bond”