On the 8:12 a.m. commuter train, everybody just assumes I’m one of them. So does my secretary, my assistant, and every single one of my colleagues at the law firm, where I’m now a partner. I even married this clueless girl from Connecticut?loves shopping and everything?and we have two ironic kids. I swear, they look like something out of a creepy 1950s Dick And Jane reader?I even have these hilarious silver-framed pictures of them in my cheesy corner office. But still, the humor is lost on everybody but me. —Why Can’t Anyone Tell I’m Wearing This Business Suit Ironically? (The Onion (Satire))
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And Noah, the irony does not end there! That fancy expensive tailored business suit and the silk tie and the cufflinks and the starched white shirt – they aren’t really yours! You are suffering from Yuppie Identity Shift. You are NOT in fact a successful lawyer with a home in the suburbs!
So get rid of that preppie haircut and get yourself a mohawk. Stop telling people you are a successful lawyer. Start wearing old rags.
And those silk socks you bought to match the Ferragamo captoes? I assume you are wearing them in the photo: that is why you look so smug.
Well, you have to take them off, and wander the streets in your bare feet. Yes – life is ironic for those with Yuppie Identity Shift!
Don’t be silly! I’ve been watching you for years. I know what you really are, I’ve deconstructed your soul. Have you ever felt like someone/thing was watching you at a molecular level? That’s me, the Guru-Who-Has-No-Clothes. I wear nothing at all and because I’m so hideously deformed, no one notices. I wish you well but wanted to tell you that your kids are not really yours. Their father is from a group of PodPeople from Finland. I think you’d better start really talking to your wife.
you and the onion scare me. I mean really scare me.