If you were this person’s attorney, you’d probably want this social media blurb phrased a little differently. The headline attached to the story is clearer. Yes, the social media blurb is shorter, but I’d rather cut the “Twp” and make room for the unambiguous “and.”
Derry man accused of assaulting female witness and attorney jailed on $100k bond.
Similar:
Such pictures fill my weekday world at five
Your pictures fill my weekday world at f...
Aesthetics
My dad predicted Trump in 1985 – it's not Orwell, he warned, it's Brave New World
As my father [Neil Postman] pointed out,...
Books
Email (finding the right tone as a writer)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qXlgO...
Cyberculture
Journalism: Muzzle your biases. Seek out diverse but credible sources. You’ll be criticize...
Academia
AI is better at writing poems than you’d expect. But that’s fine.
Even the most rebellious poets follow ...
Culture
Duke stops assigning numeric values to essays, test scores
This story is about the admissions proce...
Academia
Pingback: Headlines: Why editors matter in journalism. | Jerz's Literacy Weblog (est. 1999)
I saw that on the Trib’s website when it was posted and eagerly clicked to find out how all ended in the attorney being jailed.
Both of your revisions are much better!
Yeah for me to grab it at first glance it needs to be “Derry Twp. man accused of assaulting female witness and attorney is jailed on $100,000 bond”
Aren’t commas allowed in headlines?
Difference between the headline and the social media blurb. The comma isn’t enough to clear up the problem.
“Derry Twp. man, accused of assault on female witness and attorney, jailed on $100,000 bond”