“I will NEVER EVER DO THIS EVER AGAIN and I am once more terribly sorry… Please let me go for I am terribly sorry!!! I’m only a kid! Help me out. I just want to go home. I did this not knowing of the serious penalty that lies behind it. Please! Please! Please!” —Jonathan Baldino —Swiping goes high-tech in bar-code scam (Denver Post)
Defense Attorney: As you can see, Your Honor, my client used all caps for portions of his statement, and used three exclamation marks in a row.
Judge: Well golly… then HE MUST BE TELLING THE TRUTH!!!
Defense Attorney: I would like to introduce into evidence this follow-up statement. “I am extremely sad now, and I just want to go to bed… Please let me sleep in my own bed tonight.”
Judge: What’s this? The criminal justice system has made someone sad?
Defense Attorney: Besides, who really expects a 19-year-old to know right from wrong?
Judge: You’re right. Case dismissed!!!
(Judge and Defense Attorney burst out laughing.)
Defense Attorney (wiping his eyes): Man, they couldn’t make this stuff up in Hollywood. Okay. Let’s get back to work.