“Goddammit, I don’t know what to do!” Obama said, banging his hands in frustration against a wall of binary as the entire healthcare.gov mainframe suddenly froze, forcing all previously flowing lines of code to come to a complete standstill. “I can’t fix this! Get me out of this place!”

“Please! Just get me out of here!” Obama added as the data grid below his feet shattered into millions of infinitesimal pixels and he plummeted into an infinite void of lost health care coverage. —Terrified Obama Trapped Inside Healthcare.gov Website | The Onion – Americas Finest News Source.