Maybe Star Wars 7 won’t suck, but I’m not holding my breath.

Screen Shot 2015-04-16 at 5.53.26 PMI was burned in 1999 when I saw The Phantom Menace. Burned bad.

And then what was left of my childhood died when the booster jets popped out of Artoo’s legs. I have no distinct memory of Episode 6, other than the sensitive and complex delivery of well-written dialogue such as “I hate you!” and shaking my head at the stupidity of Anakin somehow not knowing that his very pregnant wife was bearing twins. And something about him being jealous of C-3PO? Do I misremember that? Probably, but I’d rather just watch YouTube clips of the light saber battles than slog through the actual movie.

So, for Episode 7, I will keep my hopes very low, and pray that Abrams and Ford, Hamil, Fisher & the other great cast members can fight whatever evil was responsible for Jar-Jar, the bowl-haircut boy who was scripted to say the word “Yippee,” and for Anakin and Padme’s plagiarism of Rogers and Hammerstein “Do I love you because you’re beautiful, or are you beautiful because I love you?”