Yes, graduates, as much as you love your Mom and Dad, you’re realistic enough to understand, deep down inside, that they are the two most annoying human beings on the planet. And so the time will come — I give it six weeks — when you realize that you can no longer continue living with them. And so you will summon your courage, take a deep breath, and ask them to move out. It’s only fair! They’ve had the house practically to themselves for years! Now it’s your turn! Let THEM go work at Starbucks. —Dave Barry —Good news! You can go home again (Miami Herald — via Kentucky, for some reason)

Now that’s a graduation speech!