Once again, The Onion gets it right.
- Clinton Not Expecting To Collect White House Security Deposit
Surveying the White House’s walls and bathroom fixtures in preparation for move-out, President Clinton said Monday that he expects to forfeit his security deposit. “It’s just not worth it,” Clinton said. “I’d rather lose the $575 than have to deal with fixing all the nail holes and chipped porticos and stuff.” Noticing a small, brownish stain on the East Room’s carpet, Clinton added: “It’s not like the place is trashed, but eight years of summits and state dinners are really going to take their toll on a place.” (Spoof article in The Onion, Jan. 17)
- New Administration Cataloguing ‘Pranks’
Acts Attributed to Outgoing Clinton Aides
Bush administration officials said yesterday that they are cataloguing numerous acts of apparent vandalism that the officials attribute to outgoing aides to President Clinton, including sliced phone and computer lines, obscene messages left in copy machines and champagne flutes missing from an Air Force jet. (Real article in the Washington Post, Jan. 26)
Previously, The Onion was the only news organization to call the election correctly: “In one of the narrowest presidential votes in U.S. history, either George W. Bush or Al Gore was elected the 43rd president of the United States Tuesday, proclaiming the win ‘a victory for the American people and the dawn of a bold new era in this great nation.'” (The Onion, Nov. 7)
While searching my bag for a cable, I found an unexpected wealth of food-substitute items.
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