The Terrible Things I Have Said and Done My Entire Life, and Right Up Until a Few Days Ago, Do Not Represent Me As a Person

The media constantly takes things I say and then repeats them on their news shows and in their magazines, and they always leave something out, like the thing I haven’t even said yet that lets you know I don’t believe the thing I already said.

If the media wants to be completely accurate, they should write down every word I’ve ever said in my entire life, then wait for me to finish saying everything I’ll ever say, and then publish only the good things that everyone will like. Only then would they be totally unbiased. Until then, they’re just cherry-picking. — (satire) McSweeney’s