I won’t be stuck standardizing verb tenses in business documents my whole life. One day, I will copyedit the Great American Novel.

“Sure,” you say, “along with every other detail-oriented grammarian in the country.” Yes, I know how many idealistic young people dream of taking a manuscript that captures the spirit of 21st-century America and removing all of its grammatical and semantic errors. But how many of them know to omit the word “bear” when referring to koalas? How many know to change “pompom” to “pompon”? —Someday, I Will Copyedit The Great American Novel (The Onion (Satire))