Here’s What Happens in the Hour After You Drink a Can of Coke (and What Happened to Me When I Tried It)

As a kid, I remember liking the famous “I’d Like to Buy the World a Coke” commercial. As a teenager, I remember seeing a series of Coke ads in the summer, with the theme of “It’s too hot, look at these pictures of happy people in the snow, buy a Coke,” and then 6 months later I remember seeing commercials with the theme “It’s too cold, look at these happy people at the beach, buy a Coke,” and I realized the purpose of a Coke ad is not to make the viewers happy, but to make the viewer unhappy, so that we will, in a misguided attempt to get happy again, buy a Coke. My beverage of choice is unsweetened tea. When I do drink a soda, I’m conscious that I am essentially drinking a candy bar.

Screen Shot 2015-07-30 at 10.19.49 AMKnowing full well that I would be destined for a sugar crash and that I would probably be guilted into foregoing my nightly scoop of ice cream to compensate for it, I decided to drink a can of Coke and record how I felt physically while also contemplating the process going on inside my body for an hour afterward —