Pulitzer Alert: Local TV Reporter Throws Cookies to Dramatize Destructive Walmart Flash Robbery

The serious-faced TV anchor introduces a live crime report about a destructive Walmart flashmob: “Channel Four’s Emily Turner spoke with our crime analyst about how dangerous these situations can really be.”

Emily Turner, looking equally serious, while standing in front of a completely featureless background that doesn’t even have the Walmart logo in frame, says the following, while tossing cookies at the camera: “They probably just thought they were throwing food around the store, having a good time, but what they were really doing, our crime analyst says, is throwing around the threat of a very dicey situation.”

Yes, that’s some Pulitzer-worthy journalistic work, that some actual humans paid some actual humans to produce, for the eyeballs of other actual humans to watch (of their own free will).

Leading off with unsourced speculation was a nice touch, but I particularly like the reporter’s choice to toss, of all things, cookies, as it saves me the trouble of having to choose words to describe how this made me feel.

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