Theatre Crowd Mustn’t Be Bitter

The en­ter­tain­ment in­dus­try seems up­set that pubs are to be opened be­fore any theatres or mu­sic venues.

But you can un­der­stand why the pubs have pri­or­ity – it’s a mat­ter of safety.

Theatres are wild places where you can’t con­trol the public.

So of­ten, dur­ing a show by a comic, the au­di­ence spreads viruses by for­get­ting they have a ticket for seat 19b and mov­ing across to seat 23f and sit­ting on some­one else’s lap. Once they’ve got over-ex­cited by read­ing the programme, they’re back and forth to the toi­let, spread­ing germs around.

And some­times when vi­o­lin­ist Ni­cola Benedetti is play­ing, a mem­ber of the au­di­ence will lis­ten to too many notes and end up be­ing sick in the car park out­side. But in a pub, ev­ery­one sits qui­etly gaz­ing at the beauty of the beer pumps and ad­mir­ing the peanuts.

No one ever moves any­where and no one projects lit­tle spores of virus be­cause no one says a word.

If only peo­ple could be­have as well in theatres as they do in pubs, the en­ter­tain­ment venues could be opened up next week as well. They have only them­selves to blame.

UK Sunday Mirror, 28 Jun 2020