Nation Shudders At Large Block Of Uninterrupted Text

Dumbfounded citizens from Maine to California gazed helplessly at
the frightening chunk of print, unsure of what to do next. Without an
illustration, chart, or embedded YouTube video to ease them in,
millions were frozen in place, terrified by the sight of one long,
unbroken string of English words.

“Why won’t it just tell me what it’s about?” said Boston resident
Charlyne Thomson, who was bombarded with the overwhelming mass of black
text late Monday afternoon. “There are no bullet points, no highlighted
parts. I’ve looked everywhere–there’s nothing here but words.”

“Ow,” Thomson added after reading the first and last lines in an
attempt to get the gist of whatever the article, review, or possibly
recipe was about. –The Onion