A magical Walt Disney World family vacation was ruined last weekend by the stringent policies and protocol of the Walt Disney Company.

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The Mahaffeys’ dissatisfaction began soon after their arrival. Despite being in a huge, open park with dozens of attractions, the family was unable to roam freely, confronted at every turn by signs commanding them to remain on the clearly delineated brick-paved paths. This thwarted an unspoken but keenly felt sense of wanderlust in the family.

“There was a lot of gorgeous greenery, but most of it was roped off,” said Amy Mahaffey, 34. “You could only leave the path if you wanted to go into a shop or café. It made me imagine some behind-the-scenes pencil pusher wanting to save the company a few bucks on sod and petunias, or to ward off potential injury lawsuits. I wanted to be a kid again, but I might as well have stayed at work.” —Disney Family Vacation Ruined By Walt Disney Company (The Onion (satire; will expire))