Breaking: Student consults syllabus before asking question about course schedule

vol1NASHVILLE, TN – Vanderbilt University is currently under lock down after a student reportedly consulted his syllabus before asking a question about the course schedule. At least one Associate Professor is in serious condition after going into shock, and several other professor have suffered mild fainting episodes. Police have been able to confirm that Jose Gomez, a junior at Vanderbilt, had raised his hand during the first meeting of History of Western Art I. Cecile Brown, an Associate Professor of Art History for 16 years at Vanderbilt, then called on Jose for his question, but Jose is said to have responded, “Nevermind, I see it in the syllabus, here.” Brown soon fell into shock afterwards and campus police were soon called to the scene. —Proceedings of the National Institute of Science